I have studied and observed the reasons for unhappiness for years. This observation showed that 80% of us are unhappy because of these 5 reasons. Yes, 80% of us… that many! Although the exact situations are different, they always emerge from these 5 factors. So let’s take a look at them and learn how to overcome it.
Before getting to these 5 reasons, I want to amuse you with another interesting fact about human behavior. “Most of us are not adaptable to happiness.” Sounds stupid, but just hear me out. Each one of us has been happy at some point or other in their lives. As soon as happiness hits our lives, we get uncomfortable. This happens because we are not used to the concept of being happy and that leads to discomfort. In this struggle, subconsciously, we find a reason to be unhappy. These 5 reasons come in handy at such times and we end up being unhappy… back to our comfort zone.
So firstly, remember that you have make happiness your comfort zone. For this, take a look at all these 5 reasons for unhappiness and how to overcome them. Make sure to apply this when you face similar situations.
Nonacceptance can be further categorized further to factors such as nonacceptance of past, reality, emotions or feelings and many more. But the psychology behind all this is same. We are rigid human beings who cannot accept change or cannot accept being let down. Nonacceptance leads to a very depressive state where people start avoiding emotions. Not facing your emotions or feelings and avoiding any situations or confrontations that make you face them becomes a habit. This creates a dark place in your mind where you never visit. This spaces sucks happiness out of your life even when you avoid it. This is simply because that space haunts you, you are afraid of facing it and you stay unhappy.
For example, you have broken up from a long term relationship and you feel sad about it. But unacceptance of this situations makes you avoid those feelings. Even when you find that person of your dreams, you are still haunted by the previous feelings and you cannot be happy with this new person anymore.
Overcoming this is easy. You need to face these emotions and that is how you accept reality or past. And you don’t have to do this alone. Talk to your partner, mother or best friend about what you feel, how you feel and what you think. Once you put those feelings out in the universe, the space gets cleared and you feel lighter.
2. Need for Control:
Not all, but many of us here are ‘control freaks.’ I am guilty of having this trait. It simply means that we need to have every situation under our control. When something doesn’t work out as you wished, you freak out and also burst out. Not being able to control the events makes us uncomfortable and unhappy. We are not able to stay back and watch as the situation unfolds itself. When situation gets out of control, unhappiness seems inevitable.
Overcoming this problem requires two qualities, one is patience and other is faith. Sometimes situations are going to get out of control, sometimes unplanned things are going to happen. What we need in such situations is patience to let things run their own course and faith that whatever happens, will happen for the best. Faith has personally helped me overcome this problem. This approach of you will always receive what is right for you works wonders to control the controlling nature!
3. Unrealistic Expectations:
“Expectations Hurt” is a common phrase we hear or read. But I want to rephrase it and say “Unrealistic Expectations Hurt.” Human is a social animal and hence we have many social relationships. We keep expectations from each person, a close one or even a stranger. As we expect our partner to remember our birthday, we also expect the waitress to be sweet and polite. When such expectations are unmet, we turn to our unhappy switch. So should we stop expecting? Absolutely not! These relationships will not function without expectations.
My solution to this is, keep realistic expectations. Determining realistic expectations is simple. Know what the other person is capable of and build your expectations according to that. Say for example, your spouse does not enjoy cooking but you expect them to cook you a 3 course meal on your birthday. Unrealistic Expectations my friend! Instead, expect something they are capable of. Do not expect your boss to be supportive when you know he is under high pressure. Always base your expectations on the other person’s capabilities.
When the future seems unsure, we generally tend to get anxious. But anxiety has few friends that come along. These friends are over-thinking, assumption and unhappiness. Can you relate to this? So many times when all you can do is wait for it to happen, you get anxious. It may be your job assessment, your married life or even your school results. We firstly get anxious, then excited, then overthink and assume the worst scenario and end up being unhappy. When anxiety is kept at minimum level it creates excitement. You need to keep it there because as it grows it turns to nervousness and then unhappiness.
You can overcome anxiety by practicing mindfulness. It means being present in the moment. When you become aware that your thoughts are running to the future, get your mind back to what you are doing. Feel and be present in each moment. You can also spend time in constructive planning to avoid anxiety. Constructive planning means, preparing yourself for the ideal situation. Do not think about the worst scenario. Surround yourself with positive thoughts and let the law of attraction work!
5. External pressure:
Being a social person is difficult! We have to give in to so many pressures and expectations. We have pressures to attend those birthday parties, get married on time or pass in all the subjects. Each stage of life has its own pressures. These can be life consuming and not add any value to your life. This can cause in unhappiness for many of us.
The simplest way to avoid these pressures is to set priorities. The problem is that we feel guilty when we don’t give in to those pressures. But when you have your priorities straight, the guilt fades away and it becomes easy to avoid such pressures. I would highly recommend putting yourself on the top of your priority list!
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