Conflicts are a part of our day to day life but if not handled well, they lead to broken relationships. We face disputes in personal as well as professional front of life which causes a hampered state of mind. It is essential to approach conflict resolution with tact and grace.
I have done a lot of observation to find out the causes of such conflicts. With my research I have found two major reasons for major conflicts. Take a look at all the conflicts you had in your life and relate it to either category. These two reasons are-
- Difference in opinion
The method to handle both the situations are different and this is exactly what I am going to talk about. Also, get a conflict management checklist by subscribing down below!
How many times have you expected someone to do something and they ended up not doing it? And how many of those times has the situation turned into a conflict that put both of you in a poor mind state? I know that such incidences are many in each one of our lives and we think it is very natural. The next time you face such a disappointment, rather than reacting with a temper, try using these steps.
You should give a thought before reacting spontaneously and starting a conflict. The reflection step should not take too long once you get used to the though process. I have made a conflict resolution checklist of all these points so that you can access it on your phone anytime you need!
For reflection, ask yourself these questions in order and if the answer to any question is NO, then do not react harshly and move on. If the answer to any of the question is YES, follow the next steps so as it handle the situation gracefully.
- Are your expectations appropriate?
- Does the other person have a genuine reason? (if yes, drop it and if no then get to the next step)
- Is this significant?
- Is the other person apologetic?
After these questions, if you are still angry about the situation then go to the next step before reacting harshly.
You should always understand that rage is not the only way to convey your disappointment. Many times we also choose to convey our disappointment with excessive emotions which can easily overwhelm the other person. An important thing to remember is that balance of emotions is the key to conflict resolution. Convey your disappointment as though you are sharing your feelings with the person. Here are some factors which will help you manage this situation with peace and positive mindset.
- Comfortable environment – Choose and appropriate place to share your feelings. Do not tell them you are disappointed over the phone or on a bus because that will just not help!
- Stable mindset – Make sure both of you have a open state of mind so that you understand each other’s perspectives.
This is the most important step which will set direction to this conflict resolution process. I know keeping your mind calm can be difficult, but give the other person a benefit of doubt. And always remember that relationships are more important that egos!
This is the last step in conflict resolution when disputes are because of disappointment. Accept the apology or explanation that you have received. I am not asking you to compromise but I am asking you to trust. Many of us do not accept the apology or even the explanation and start a pointless war of words. Creating a fight after discussing both the sides is pointless (sorry for the bluntness).
There are many people out there who leave conflict behind but keep the thoughts alive. What I mean by this is, do not keep grudges in your mind and behave as if all is okay. This is very harmful in the long run as you tend to get those things back in a future situation and the results are not impressive. I recommend you to read 5 reasons of unhappiness and how to overcome it, where I have addressed this issue in detail.
Difference in opinion
Difference of opinion or disagreement is another major reason of conflicts. This is a natural situation because every person is unique and their thoughts are bound to be different. Even in most perfect couples, there is always a difference in opinion but what makes them perfect is how they handle it.
Disagreement is actually healthy as it gives us a change in perspective. When we are overly attached to our thoughts and we cannot accept any other point of view it leads to conflict. Relationships can break as a result of such stubbornness.
We as humans are quick to make judgement about people based on their opinions. People’s opinions are based on their experiences and knowledge and it is wrong to judge them without knowing the background. Some people prefer to bond within a specific community but it is wrong to judge them as a communist. They might have bad experiences with other people or they enjoy the thought process of their own community. Understand the reasons behind their opinions and that will be a major step for your journey of conflict resolution.
If your spouse does not pamper you as much as you would like, do not judge him to be non-romantic. He might have grown up with independent women around him and is not used familiar with concepts of protection and pampering to show love. Understand him before you make judgements. These judgements not only hamper the other person;s image in your mind but it also hampers your thought process.
Don’t Fake it
After a huge disagreement, we all want to bring calm to our relationships. There is one thing you should never do to achieve this goal. Do not pretend to agree with their opinion because this will only create temporary calm.
You should be completely convinced to accept their opinion or agree with their opinion. If not, this will come up again and you might not stick to your stand this time around. Faking any sort of thing in any relationship is a big NO as it complicates your relationship as well as your personality.
Respect their opinion
You can do one simple thing instead of faking acceptance and that is showing respect. Always say that you respect their opinion but cannot accept it. You have reasons behind your point of view and you should stick to it.
And let me tell you with high experience, most men prefer women who are opinionated, strong and humble. By respecting their opinion and standing by yours, you will display all these qualities. But of-course, do not do this to impress others rather do it to feel good about yourself!
And hey, share this guide or this cheat-sheet with your partner so that the understanding becomes mutual and conflicts become nonexistent!